


A-Paw-Ling Dreams

by Kattlarv



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Anxiety, Crying, Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Monologue, Nightmares, POV First Person, Sad, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Self-Reflection, Sleep Deprivation, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-01-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:14:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22153108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kattlarv/pseuds/Kattlarv
Summary: Catra jolts awake after yet another nightmare.She mulls it over, then decides to take matters into her own hands~
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	A-Paw-Ling Dreams

My eyes shot open as I gasped for air. I was covered in sweat. I hugged myself tightly, shivering. The nightmares were getting worse. I curled up in my bed, fresh tears running down my chin. Why did everything have to hurt so much? Things are going great for us in the war... Instead, there was just this... hurty knot in my gut. And I was cold. At the bottom of my spine. It was just a spiking chill. 

It flared up out of nowhere and left me cold. Goosebumps on my arms. I huddled down, pulling my blanket as tight as I could. My throat was sore atop everything else... or was it dry? I don’t know. My chest was aching as well. I stared up at the ceiling. My left breast stung a bit. Why did my body have to hate me so? It’s bad enough Scorpia left me... everyone leaves me... Double Trouble hasn’t reported in...

Lonnie has to be talking shit about me... what else are they laughing about? This cold perspiration is really icky... I almost wanted a shower. Almost... It would be nice if showers could be in a container, and warm... would maybe stop this fucking cold. And make me feel less exposed. I bared my teeth and rubbed my arms. Why am I freezing? And specifically only on my arms and spine? I hiccuped.

I clenched my eyes as tears forced their way out. I just want someone to hold me... but I can’t show that kind of weakness... I ran a hand down my chest, into my underwear. Maybe a quick rub could help alleviate this... I slowly stroked my mons as I shook. I pressed into the spot at the top. Nothing. I rubbed faster along the side of my length. Still nothing. I ran a knuckle into my slit, kneading my folds.

Still dead inside. I brushed up against my family jewel and winced. I hissed as I grit my teeth. I can’t even get it up... I’m fucking useless. I sobbed as I withdrew my hand. Weeping quietly, all alone. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up... when is it getting better? Feels like it just gets more shit. But I’m so close... so why can’t I even get wet any more? My breathing picked up.

I want to be held close, but at the same time not. People would only hurt me. Fucking body... tormenting me. It wants sex, but it can't even deliver on it... orgasms is one of few things that make me feel at ease. Even if just for a few seconds... I just want to go back to my early teens... no major issues, and Adora... I tensed up. She made me feel special. Like a grown-up girl. I cum nowhere as intense now. 

I'm like a worn out husk. My body just goes through the motions. Why is nothing working like it's supposed to any more? Tears were steadily streaming. Please... just make it stop... everything used to be so much... less suck. I stopped shaking for a moment, then just went limp. I don’t know how much longer I can go on... even my eyeballs were throbbing. I’m just... so tired. No matter how much I overcome...

Something else just sprout straight up! I let out a shaky breath. I glanced down towards my kitkat. Should I force it? I slid my hand down, placing a finger on either side of my family jewel. It would hurt for a bit, but I’d at least get some brief chemicals. I grit my teeth and tightened my grip on my clit. I weighed my options... pain was a part of my everyday life. Which would hurt more?

I let go of my nub and exhaled. Placing my hand atop my abdomen. I can’t do it... it’s not worth it. I just want to feel good, loved. Instead this chill runs down my arms and spine. I gripped the tip of my tail. I really want to go back to my early teens, when sex felt good and exciting... or heck: even back to being a kid. Sure, I was incredibly vulnerable. But life was so much easier back then...

I had to worry at most about curfew or some shit. Now something hurts inside my chest really bad, and it’s like its not even physical! My brain is making me feel awful. What is wrong with me? Things are going great for the horde. We’ve never been closer to complete control of etheria. And I just want to throw up... I think... it’s like I haven't slept in days. I shook some of the daze off.

I lifted a claw up to my face, it glinted in the dull lighting. I could make it all stop... but... I’m scared... I don’t want to. Am I a coward? I don’t know any more. But it taunts me how easily it would be... but: I can’t... then they would win. I can’t allow that. Not after how they’ve all hurt me. Used me. Abused me. I clenched my fists.I just need to figure out how to deal with these nightmares. I’m getting sleep deprived.

I exhaled shakily. Why can’t I feel happy? Any time I start to smile, something just sucker punch me a few moments later. I groaned. I can’t even pay Double Trouble for a quick blow... not sure I’d even be able to perform... but they are really good at foreplay, so maybe... but, they still haven’t reported back... bet they have bailed on me as well... everyone’s a dumbface. Why do I have to put up with this?

I work myself to the bone, and this is the reward I get? Things are supposed to get better. I’m winning. So, why do I feel like I’m losing? I mewled and glanced over to my clock. Three hours... I managed to sleep around three hours. I flopped back onto my back. Great, I’m too riled up to sleep. I’m not sure how much more I can handle... I don’t get to sleep, I don’t get to fuck and I barely eat.

My ears twitched. Wait a minute... I glanced towards my drawers. Maybe I need to use a ‘tool’ to get myself to wind down... I crawled my way over, opened it up and stared at the content. Among the assorted items, the stun baton was easily notable. I picked it up and scampered back to my bed. I stared at it as I held it aloft. Am I really doing this? I’ve been hit plenty times before but... self-inflicted? 

Something about that just felt... off. Like an odd mix of when I cut myself and when I give myself head. Opposite sides of pain and pleasure, but I’m doing it for relief? I shook my head. All I know is to avoid hitting directly towards the heart... or the junk. I twirled the baton between my fingers. I should go down on myself whenever I get my mood back. I’ve learned a lot about clit suckling.

I bit my lower lip. I was just stalling. Did I really want to zap myself to try and get some sleep? Sure, the pain is temporary, but I don’t enjoy getting hurt... then again, I seem to get myself into situations where that is a highly possible outcome. Or just for convenience, whenever I go into heat. Sheesh, it’s almost like I’m so used to it that I do it to myself... is that even a thing? Ugh, whatever! Let’s just do this!

I turned the baton on, then hesitated. It sparkled with energy. Could I really trust that this wouldn’t backfire as well? What if I seize up and can’t let go until I have a cardiac arrest? The batons are only made to deliver a short burst, but... knowing my luck... I flipped it over, checking its charge. Its down to the last bar. Well, good. That shouldn't be enough juice to off me with... probably. Ugh, does it even matter? 

Not like anyone would miss me... But: I can’t let them win. I just can’t.  **I** have  **earned** this. I clawed my way to the top by tooth and nail. Quite literally. I just... want to sleep... I’m tired... I smacked my lips. My mouth was dry. I could probably think of some better way given time. But I don’t have that. I exhaled deeply and readied the weapon once more. Just a sting and it’s over... it won’t be sleep, but close enough. 

Not dreaming is preferable. I grit my teeth, then jabbed it into my neck. There was a sharp, shooting pain. My body tensed up as it convulsed. After a brief surge of energy, everything went dark. Relief~


End file.
